The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
