All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I could make wine with my vomit
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
we should paint friendship bongs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
