It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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