the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
