white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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