First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
