Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
