I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
