Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
