did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
