Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize