Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize