so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
