my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
