I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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