wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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