im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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