So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
