Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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