i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
