i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
