I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
