Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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