1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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