I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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