I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
