GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
