so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize