I think i peed on brittanys purse
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
