What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
