I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
