They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
