A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
