CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
