eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
