Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
