WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
