White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
