we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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