He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
