sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
