I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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