I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
