we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
