I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize