I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
