On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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