once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
