His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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