i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
