Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dignity is for republicans.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
