Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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