Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
