Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
