Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
