I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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