I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
