I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
