I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
