I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
