Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
