seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
