Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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