I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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