he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
