can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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