I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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