Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
