Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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