and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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