I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
