She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
