I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
