He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
