Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
