I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
