I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
