im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
