So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
