Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
In America we eat man semen.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
