if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
