We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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