I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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