we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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