This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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