I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
