I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
