It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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